As the new year gets going—and you’re heading back to work and regular routines—the transition can be tough on the littlest members of your family. (Maybe you too!) Which makes sense. Inherent in the holiday season is lots of family together time. And when everyone returns to business as usual, suddenly your child has to get used to less of your full-on attention as they’ve had these last cookie-making, fireside-snuggling, wintry-walking bunch of days. Here’s how to smooth the way for everyone involved.
For starters, know that it’s common for separation anxiety to pop up again for kids after a longer break like a summer vacation, a long weekend or the holidays. The change of routines can be unsettling for kids who find comfort in knowing what to expect. Your child is likely also feeling especially close to you and other family members right now and may start to worry about what happens when you’re not around.
So what does separation anxiety look like? Your child may be letting you know they’re not happy about the return to the status quo by being more clingy than usual, refusing to go to daycare, preschool or spend time with other caregivers, throwing tantrums, sneaking into your bed at night and/or having trouble falling asleep on their own, crying more often, feeling worried whenever you have to leave, or speaking up about not feeling well, like a stomachache.
If you’re noticing any of the above, these strategies can help with your little one’s rising anxieties.
Talk over the new schedules/routines with your child. One of the first steps towards soothing worries and other feelings is keeping your child in the loop about what’s happening. Talk about the upcoming schedule shifts with your little one, let them know how the days might look or feel differently now that the holidays are over, and if you’ll be away, when to expect you back. Also, pay attention to what kinds of situations may be stressful for your child so that together, you can discuss and plan for them in advance.
Validate your child’s feelings. Acknowledging their worries and other feelings is another big step in reassuring kids and helping them start to regain their sense of calm and confidence. Let your child know that it’s 100 percent okay to feel sad and nervous about everyone having to spend a little more time apart. You might keep them company by sharing how much you loved being with them over the holidays and that you’re also having mixed feelings about returning to your work schedule. But also remind them of positive things that may happen during the time as well. “You’ll get to show your babysitter your new dance moves!” or “It’ll be fun to see your friends again at school.” Having something to look forward to always makes the future seem brighter.
If you can, ease back into routines slowly. Instead of flying full steam into the usual lineup, add things back little by little if possible. So for example, start back to daycare first, then return to classes/lessons/etc. Or start with a few days of childcare before moving back into full time. Plan in extra moments before or after separations—like playing with Legos together or going for a walk—for reassurance and to strengthen connections.
Reestablish (or build) a goodbye routine. Just as a bedtime routine helps your child shift into a getting-ready-to-sleep mindset, a goodbye routine can help little ones feel more comfortable when it comes time for you to be away for a while. You might read the same picture book together before daycare or have a special hug or silly handshake. You can finish with a mantra (again, similar to bedtime) of the same words or phrases and include when your child will see you again: “I love you; have fun today. Looks like you’re going to make playdough! I can’t wait to hear all about it this afternoon when I pick you up.”
Find a comfort friend or object. A favorite stuffed animal, blanket, or toy can be a friendly—and calming—companion for your child in your absence, one that sticks with them at home or wherever they may need to go. Your child’s caregiver or teacher may also be able to help with these separations, for example, holding your child’s hand when it’s time for you to go or introducing them to a project they may want to explore.
Focus on getting a good night’s sleep. Sleep is a big help when it comes to emotional regulation, but during the holidays, bedtimes and naptimes may vary due to travel and all the activities. Getting back to a consistent bedtime makes the day more predictable and assists everyone in being their best, rested selves. Create a calming bedtime setting with a soothing night light and white noise. And for a child who’s feeling nervous being on their own, Nanit’s monitors offer two-way audio so you can check in with reassurances.
Be patient with the process. It may take some time for your child to adjust again to being without you for stretches of the day, but hang in there. Eventually, as your child sees that you do indeed return when you say you will and the regular schedule feels more familiar again, there’s a very good chance that their worries will ease and they’ll find the fun in the day ahead. And remember, your pediatrician and/or other trusted providers are always a part of your team should you need or want to enlist a little more support.
